Keep Your Face To The Sunshine
by Linda Metzger
This past year was extremely difficult for me and my family. The challenges were overwhelming at times; what I came to recognize was that I was not alone. Most of us have experienced grief and loss. What role does art play during this phase of our lives?
I began learning about colored pencils in 2022 after a couple of years drawing with graphite and was thrilled with the beauty and depth I was able to achieve in my work. In March of 2023, I received a phone call from my brother when he came home from out of the country to find his 25-year-old son missing. After a difficult couple of days, it was discovered that Derek had passed away from a tragic motorcycle accident. My drawings were put on hold while I dealt with the pain and the immediate needs of housing out-of-town family members and comforting my brother and his family.
Out of the Water: My first colored pencil piece, short-listed finalist for the SAA's International Artist of the Year in London in 2023.
Once the guests were gone, I returned to the comfort of my easel. On a whim, I submitted my very first solo colored pencil piece, "Out of the Water," to the SAA (Supporting All Artists) annual competition in England. I was amazed when it was short-listed for International Artist of the Year. My sister-in-law and her daughter wanted to go—planning our trip in October to see my art piece in the Espacio Gallery in London was a welcome distraction from grief.
“I was able to allow myself to visit the pain and cry it out”
I couldn’t have imagined it, but in the middle of August, my 28-year-old son who suffered from schizophrenia died from an accidental overdose. I thought that I knew loss; the overwhelming numbness that came with the unexpected death of Daniel was different from anything that I'd ever experienced. Dealing with such great sadness, the practical issue of whether to continue with our trip to London came up. My husband and family encouraged me to go, now for my own grief as well.
September began with a lovely wedding for my eldest son and our new daughter-in-law, followed by another accomplishment with my drawing of “Balcony View” being accepted into CP Treasures Vol. 9. It was the last portrait I completed before Daniel died. Experiencing these uplifting events while adjusting to our new normal without Daniel is hard to put into words.
Balcony View: One of my son's favorites, completed just before he died in August 2023.
October arrived quickly. I had learned the basics of colored pencils from Bonny Snowdon, and I was thrilled when she and Vicki Evans invited me to come to North Yorkshire with a small group. The night before the train ride north, we received a phone call from back home in Florida, hearing the news that my sister’s 25-year-old son Joshua had died by suicide. We were devastated. We couldn’t find a reasonable ticket back home, so I continued on my journey. I was a tearful mess but found comfort in the hugs from my fellow artists and Bonny's dear dogs.
Back home in Florida, after yet another houseful of grieving family members had come and gone, my easel sat there waiting for me in my quiet house full of memories. Luckily for me, I do commission work, and my clients are wonderful! Everyone encouraged me to take my time and allow myself to heal.
For me, art IS healing. I truly enjoy producing something that brings joy to someone else, so commission work isn't stressful for me. Colored pencil art is slow work, and the ability to start and stop with minimal setup or cleanup has always been a blessing. During the hardest of times, just turning on relaxing music and sitting down at the easel brought familiarity and comfort while navigating my “new normal” without our boys.
I rested from social media in those first few months. It gave me the gift of time, so that when something triggered a memory for me, I was able to allow myself to visit the pain and cry it out. I have found that as I visited the hole in my heart more frequently, its edges became softer. It will always be there; it just doesn't hurt as badly as it did in the first weeks. I accepted help and invitations to go to lunch from friends. I sought help from my wonderful counselor, where I felt free to express my emotions and try to figure out my next steps.
“What I came to recognize was that I was not alone”
I have shared my story with others and have recognized that I am far from alone. All of us have experienced loss and grief in our lives. Whether it was the loss of a loved one or a wonderful job or a marriage, it changed us. Finding joy through art gave me an outlet to pour out those feelings inside. Remarkably, my new work has continued to receive recognitions, and I was the cover and featured artist for two different magazines within six months of his passing.
Positively Glowing: Drawn this spring to remind me to keep my face to the sunshine.
Getting back to something we love can almost feel selfish, but I knew that Daniel loved my work and would have wanted me to continue. This spring I pored over my photographs and selected a picture of a flamingo that turned a brilliant orange as it deliberately stood facing the setting sun with the dark shadows angled behind. It reminded me of a quote from Helen Keller, “Keep your face to the sunshine, and you cannot see a shadow.” When I look at it, it reminds me to deliberately seek positivity as I turn away from the shadows of life to look forward into the light filled with the promises of tomorrow.
LINDA METZGER:
Linda Metzger is a self-taught artist who drew when young, then put her art aside to work as a physical therapist and teacher before returning to art in 2019. She began her journey with colored pencils in 2022. Her work has received awards and has been exhibited, featured and published in print and online in the USA and internationally.
Website: Linda's Pet Portraits