Art and Autism – My Coloured Pencil Journey
by Caroline Isabeau
I am going to tell you about my personal journey of becoming a coloured pencil artist and how drawing has helped me throughout my life with my mental health.
When I was a child I was bullied horrendously because I looked different and when I was 15 years old had to have surgery to fix the way I looked. I thought I would feel normal/'fit in' after my surgery, however, I did not, I still felt I did not belong and that I was not good enough. The only time I felt at peace in those early years was when I tried to draw. I was not very good at it and was even told that my drawings looked like 'they were hit by a bus'. This was very disheartening to a child who wanted to be an artist and thought that they were these mythical creatures, so as you can imagine I stopped drawing.
![](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0236/2129/files/Caroline_Isabeau_image_01_600px_480x480.jpg?v=1723851473)
Red Apples 9x12 inches, coloured pencil on Bristol Smooth
Then, when I was 16 years old I was given a tiny diary that fit into the palm of my hand, it was covered in flowers and I remember thinking it was beautiful. I decided I wanted to draw those flowers, I sat for 5 hours drawing…absorbed, thinking about nothing but capturing that beauty. It was the first time I was proud of a drawing I had done, but that old feeling of not being good enough came back and I decided I was not an artist, so I stopped drawing again.
“The diagnosis did not fix me
but it allowed me to understand
myself better”
Fast forward 10 years or so to where I was working full-time and doing a degree. At this time I was mentally a mess, I was anxious constantly, struggling to understand people (the way they acted/their tone/body language) and obsessing about everything. Talking to professionals did not help, I was desperate/needed calm and I remembered the only time I felt calm was when I was drawing. So I went to the shop next door and purchased a £1 set of coloured pencils and started drawing some flowers that I was looking at on a tablecloth. My mind stilled and I was at peace, however, I still did not keep drawing at that time.
In 2013/2014 my mental health got the better of me and I had to give up my job. I spent the next couple of years seeing mental health experts and being put on various medications that made me feel worse. The fact that I could not work also made my mental health worse, I was feeling guilty and that I was not good enough. Then in 2016 I was diagnosed with Autism, the diagnosis did not 'fix me' but it allowed me to understand myself better and to not be too hard on myself. However, I was now faced with the question "What do I do now?"..., it was suggested I pursue something that kept me calm and did not make me feel anxious. So in 2017 I decided I was going to do the only thing that had ever made me feel peaceful throughout my life and that was drawing, I was going to become an artist.
Crow 9x12 inches, coloured pencil on Fabriano Hot Press
I started simple by purchasing a set of Faber-Castell Polychromos and a Fabriano Artistico Hot Pressed watercolour pad (both are still my favourites to work with). Then watched a few YouTube tutorials and started by drawing apples over and over. I was amazed at how good the apples looked and how fantastic the Polychromos were to work with. I learned what style I prefer drawing... which is realism, I love capturing the beauty of nature/animals and people. I learned that I love the detail coloured pencil allows you to achieve. I learned that I love creating new colours by shading others on top of each other, and I learned that I love the feeling of filling the tooth of the paper with my pencils (just a few of the things i love about coloured pencils).
Sakura 11x14 inches, coloured pencil on Bristol Smooth
Drawing quieted my mind and still does. It gives me purpose/something to focus on and stops me feeling overwhelmed. Even on the days I do not feel like doing anything I try to pick up my pencils because I know it will make me feel better. I still have bad days, where I feel I am not good enough, but drawing makes me feel alive, I enjoy it and that is what being an artist is.
“Being an artist is where
fit in this world”
I have not achieved as much as other coloured pencil artists, but I have created over 100 pieces for myself (in 6 years) done many commissions for people all over the world and been published in a coloured pencil magazine. All of which I did not think I would achieve, I did not think people would ever want my art on their walls. When I feel like I have not achieved enough...I remember every artist moves at their own pace due to the circumstances in their lives, that it is not a race or competition. I remember to never compare myself to other artists, that I create art for myself and draw what I love.
When I get asked why I draw or why I am an artist, I tell them because it gives me peace of mind, allows me to be my real self and that being an artist is where I "fit" in this world. That I am an artist because it allows me to transfer the beauty that is often missed everyday by hectic lifestyles to paper for others to see and appreciate.
CAROLINE ISABEAU:
Caroline Isabeau Townsend is a self taught artist with Autism from the United Kingdom. She has a Bachelor of Arts (Honours) in Humanities with Classical Studies. She has written for art blogs and has been published in magazines and sold her art worldwide.
Facebook: Caroline Isabeau Art
Comments (6)
Lovely article Caroline! Your art is so beautiful!
Pam Kromenacker - Aug 16, 2024Colored pencils are like a meditation. When you are drawing you unaware what’s around you and emerge yourself into your piece. It helped me coping with my wife’s loss, like it has helped you coping with the world around you and inside you. Just keep doing what you are doing Isabel and share your Art to the rest of the World!
Harrie Vonk - Aug 16, 2024You are so talented Caroline in more ways than one. You are beautiful inside and out . You should be so proud of yourself 🙂
Pamela Davies - Aug 16, 2024Caroline, your work is beautiful!
I especially love the description of the pencil filling the tooth of the paper – I find SO many of the things that I do in creative work are pushing stimming buttons. They kind of soothe my mind, making me feel like the world is happy and orderly.
Michael Cook - Aug 16, 2024I loved your article so much! Thank you for sharing your journey. It really touched my heart.
Oksana Burr - Aug 16, 2024Caroline I have watched you grow from your childhood at school to now, you are such an inspiration to all who are going through the same journey in life! Your drawings are amazing, just continue to do what you love! 🥰
Denise Lloyd - Aug 16, 2024