Art and Autism – My Coloured Pencil Journey

by Caroline Isabeau

I am going to tell you about my personal journey of becoming a coloured pencil artist and how drawing has helped me throughout my life with my mental health.

When I was a child I was bullied horrendously because I looked different and when I was 15 years old had to have surgery to fix the way I looked. I thought I would feel normal/'fit in' after my surgery, however, I did not, I still felt I did not belong and that I was not good enough. The only time I felt at peace in those early years was when I tried to draw. I was not very good at it and was even told that my drawings looked like 'they were hit by a bus'. This was very disheartening to a child who wanted to be an artist and thought that they were these mythical creatures, so as you can imagine I stopped drawing.


Red Apples 9x12 inches, coloured pencil on Bristol Smooth

Then, when I was 16 years old I was given a tiny diary that fit into the palm of my hand, it was covered in flowers and I remember thinking it was beautiful. I decided I wanted to draw those flowers, I sat for 5 hours drawing…absorbed, thinking about nothing but capturing that beauty. It was the first time I was proud of a drawing I had done, but that old feeling of not being good enough came back and I decided I was not an artist, so I stopped drawing again.

“The diagnosis did not fix me
but it allowed me to understand
myself better”

Fast forward 10 years or so to where I was working full-time and doing a degree. At this time I was mentally a mess, I was anxious constantly, struggling to understand people (the way they acted/their tone/body language) and obsessing about everything. Talking to professionals did not help, I was desperate/needed calm and I remembered the only time I felt calm was when I was drawing. So I went to the shop next door and purchased a £1 set of coloured pencils and started drawing some flowers that I was looking at on a tablecloth. My mind stilled and I was at peace, however, I still did not keep drawing at that time.

In 2013/2014 my mental health got the better of me and I had to give up my job. I spent the next couple of years seeing mental health experts and being put on various medications that made me feel worse. The fact that I could not work also made my mental health worse, I was feeling guilty and that I was not good enough. Then in 2016 I was diagnosed with Autism, the diagnosis did not 'fix me' but it allowed me to understand myself better and to not be too hard on myself. However, I was now faced with the question "What do I do now?"..., it was suggested I pursue something that kept me calm and did not make me feel anxious. So in 2017 I decided I was going to do the only thing that had ever made me feel peaceful throughout my life and that was drawing, I was going to become an artist.


Crow 9x12 inches, coloured pencil on Fabriano Hot Press

I started simple by purchasing a set of Faber-Castell Polychromos and a Fabriano Artistico Hot Pressed watercolour pad (both are still my favourites to work with). Then watched a few YouTube tutorials and started by drawing apples over and over. I was amazed at how good the apples looked and how fantastic the Polychromos were to work with. I learned what style I prefer drawing... which is realism, I love capturing the beauty of nature/animals and people. I learned that I love the detail coloured pencil allows you to achieve. I learned that I love creating new colours by shading others on top of each other, and I learned that I love the feeling of filling the tooth of the paper with my pencils (just a few of the things i love about coloured pencils).


Sakura 11x14 inches, coloured pencil on Bristol Smooth

Drawing quieted my mind and still does. It gives me purpose/something to focus on and stops me feeling overwhelmed. Even on the days I do not feel like doing anything I try to pick up my pencils because I know it will make me feel better. I still have bad days, where I feel I am not good enough, but drawing makes me feel alive, I enjoy it and that is what being an artist is.

“Being an artist is where
fit in this world”

I have not achieved as much as other coloured pencil artists, but I have created over 100 pieces for myself (in 6 years) done many commissions for people all over the world and been published in a coloured pencil magazine. All of which I did not think I would achieve, I did not think people would ever want my art on their walls. When I feel like I have not achieved enough...I remember every artist moves at their own pace due to the circumstances in their lives, that it is not a race or competition. I remember to never compare myself to other artists, that I create art for myself and draw what I love.

When I get asked why I draw or why I am an artist, I tell them because it gives me peace of mind, allows me to be my real self and that being an artist is where I "fit" in this world. That I am an artist because it allows me to transfer the beauty that is often missed everyday by hectic lifestyles to paper for others to see and appreciate.

CAROLINE ISABEAU:

Caroline Isabeau Townsend is a self taught artist with Autism from the United Kingdom. She has a Bachelor of Arts (Honours) in Humanities with Classical Studies. She has written for art blogs and has been published in magazines and sold her art worldwide.

Facebook: Caroline Isabeau Art